I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
