Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
