We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
