Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
