I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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