You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
