I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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