Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
