just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
