New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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