I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
