Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
