I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
