I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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