dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
