if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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