how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Randomize
