im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
