my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
