Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
