Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
