i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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