I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i've created a new STD.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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