Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
