mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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