I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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