I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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