I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
