My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
