Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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