I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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