I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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