Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
