He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
