Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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