Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dick very happy bro
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
