the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
