I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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