OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
