your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
did you just send me my own nude
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
