I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
