It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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