As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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