Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize