Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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