she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
