I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
