is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
