Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
