guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
