were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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