Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
