were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize