well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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