I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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