ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
