I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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