She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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