Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
