I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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