Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
