honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize