so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
