Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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