he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
