Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize