Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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